We've Reached the Stage Where Our Lives Are Making Us Sick

Our ABF relo-cube arrived today. It's perfect, I think- if we had gotten two it would have been overkill. We put our three big items in to see how they fit, and it's perfect. Then there was so much space left that we know everything else will fit fine. I feel much more relaxed about everything. Tomorrow is a big loading day and we will be ready to leave on Tuesday. I'm glad I don't have a fucking job anymore. I was so over it, I don't even care about the money. I sold some old gold today and they gave me $175. I was fucking shocked, I was honestly expecting like $50. Shows what I know about gold. So that plus the little bit of garage sale and amp sale money left and the washer and dryer that we are selling will be good. We can make it to Portland and maybe we can even not have to sleep in the car! Pictures of the cube will follow tomorrow.
___________________________________________________________________________________

Archiving for posterity's sake:
Anon: i was trying to simplify things, and turned out looking like a fool.
Aed: you don't look like a fool
Anon: around you, i always have. you make my brain fuzzy
Aed: that's how i like you

It's probably the sweetest thing I've ever heard. And I want you to know that.
Always, Aed.

Read more...

It's Faturday.

It's Faturday.
"Dandies vegan marshmallows + peanut butter = the exact flavor of Reese’s Pieces candy, also known as rainbow explosions."

A vegan solution to the ethical dilemma of Reese's Pieces. With this, I shall be free. If only there was an answer to the candy shell.

Read more...

I'm a stay at home wife now

I set my alarm for 6:10 this morning. I remember it going off but I was dreaming my own Dexter episodes and next thing I knew Mr. Aed was saying, "baby, it's 8 o'clock." And I said huh, followed by shit.

I got to work about 9:30 and almost immediately my cell phone rang. I recognized the number as He Boss's and I didn't answer. I was at work after all, where cell phones should not exist. Right after that the office phone rang and it was him again. I answered and he said "they" had been going through the time cards and tardies and noticed that I have been late every day and leaving early. I said yes. He said well we're going to go ahead and ask you to leave today. I said ok and hung up. That was it. So I guess I got fired two days before my sentence ended. What the fuck ever. I was sad just because I wasn't prepared. I went and told Darlene and gave her a hug. I got a little misty eyed, which was a tiny bit embarrassing. Off I went.

Mr. Aed just got off the phone with the landlord. We're leaving the 3rd instead of the 5th.

Read more...

Correction: Fancy Boat

Today was an interesting day. I don't know if it was everything I was hoping for, but it was just like I remembered. That's not a bad thing. I got home this evening and have done absolutely nothing since.

I'm worried about Coco because she is drowning in miserableness. And rainwater. Her house will probably crash in on itself the minute we move in. I'm so fucking scared our shit won't fit in the car. And in the cube. Fuck. I'm freaking out. I need more time off work. Fuck.

My laptop has been randomly overheating and it finally occurred to me that it might be full of cat. I blew it out well at work today and it has been running cooler ever since. Amazing insight.

Read more...

Maybe later

Today plus three days of work left.

We've had our garage sale and sold our washer and dryer, so I guess we will have enough money to actually make it to Oregon. I still feel woefully unprepared though. I went through the closet last night (again) to get rid of more stuff (again).

I think I may soon start my stand-up career. Partially because I am uproariously funny, and partly so I can do it and not tell Mr. Aed about it until weeks afterwards. I may even let him find out through Facebook and have to ask me about it. I'm not bitter. I have to start writing funny shit down and my bits will be born. That will be the challenge for me (one of many, I'm very challenged). I may write shit down, but I will probably leave all of these pieces of paper all over hell and creation. Other people will be telling my jokes in no time. Maybe that is how my fame will be born.

Once again I started writing and I got distracted. You know who you are.

Read more...

Couples therapy for the recently deceased

I forgot to talk about when Mr. Aed and I went to see D last week. It was the first time in a long time that we have gone together. It was nice. We talked about some important stuff. We talked about the fight we had the weekend before when Mr. Aed yelled out the car window that a woman was a "fat fucking cunt". I reminded him that to her husband, I was just another fat fucking cunt, too. I don't know if that sunk in immediately, but I think it had an impact on him. It certainly did on me.

Anyhow, D said that we need to work on a time frame that we will agree to if we get into a fight. Don't do the "I'm leaving" or the "let's go our separate ways" shit every time we get into a fight. (She doesn't think we are going to do much fighting, and I agree.) She said to pick something between 3 and 24 hours. I think we settled on 12 hours. I honestly can't remember. But the point is to step back and think about things before making statements like that.

We're supposed to decide how we want to handle the money and paying of bills. Nathan wants to take that over. Good. We need to decide how we are going to split up money and what kinds of bank accounts we are going to have.

We are supposed to each decide on a person outside of the house that we can go to if we have tension so that it doesn't become uncomfortable for Nathan. He is crazy and thinks that if something happened between us, Kiki and Coco would take my side and make him leave. Which would then leave him homeless. I've told him that would never happen (unless he tried to kill me or something) but he is still paranoid. So, if he and I have a fight or tension, we are supposed to each have a person outside of the house that we can talk to. These are all good ideas, I feel really prepared to live dedicated with Mr. Aed again.

Read more...

And then there were twelve

We had our yard sale today. While we didn't do as well as we had hoped, we made over $200 which is pretty good. We still took a car load of stuff to Goodwill, though. I kept wishing someone would drive by toward the end and offer us $50 to take everything we had left. They would have been getting a good deal, even! Anyways. We decided we want to sell our washer and dryer for both the extra money and space. It's too bad, but I think it will be worth it. Everything is happening so fast and I feel like nothing has been done around the house. Even though we have done a ton, there is still a LOT of packing to do. I feel sick.

Our internet will be off any day now, so you might not hear from me as much. I have five work days left, then our cube will be here and we will be getting ready to leave. I can't wait. I want to get this week over with and start moving on.

Maple is back to her old sweet, grumpy self. Very, very glad. Really wish she didn't get sick though.

Read more...

10 days of having a job and 16 days in Asheville left.

What a shit day. Maple has been lethargic for the past couple of days. Nathan told me while I was at work that she had been sitting on the same box she was sitting on yesterday all day. We were getting worried- we had first thought that she was just anxious because of all the packing and piles of boxes. Nathan tried to feed her today and she couldn't jump up on the dresser and he was sitting at the computer and she tried to jump up in his lap and couldn't. So when I got home I took her temperature (because Grubs made me). I lubed that sucker up and stuck it in her butt like a pro... and it was 103.5. I called the vet and they said they could work her in. All the while, one of Mark's friends was coming to look at buying the Focus. By the time Maple and I got to the vet, her temp had gone up to 104.9. They gave her some SQ fluids and took blood. Checked FIV and FELV just to be safe since Fang goes outside. Those were thankfully both negative but her WBCs were all elevated so she definitely has some kind of infection. I never thought I would be stressing out about an AIDS test for my cat. They gave her a fever reducer and antibiotic. The Dr. seemed to think she will be ok, they ruled out the big bad stuff. She already seems to be feeling somewhat better, so it looks good. Total cost, $265. I only had $100 on hand and they let me put the rest on a payment plan thankfully. That would have been like 1/3 of the money we have to get to Portland. Of course, we don't even have all of that money yet...still have to have the garage sale.

The guy ended up buying the Focus, but we only got $300 for it in its present condition. I suspect they probably didn't make it home since they had to go all the way to Hickory. We're glad to be done with it and hopefully he will be able to fix her up and give her a good home. It was a reliable car over all.

Yesterday I had a phone interview with Netflix. I was approved, she told me to call her when I am in town. Unless I completely fail the in-person group meeting, I will have an offer within a week. She asked me about my customer service experience, which I have mounds of. Then she asked me if I have ever set up a router (correct answer= duh) and what OS I use at home. I in fact use two different operating systems. She was probably glad to not have to explain what a router and OS are. Heh. I think she was impressed by my masterful skills of mad mastery.

Grubs, drop the papers off or I'm not coming.

Read more...

Heaven Knows I'm Miserable Now...

Read more...

We had to postpone the garage sale because it was so effing cold and raining hard. So now we are down to one week- next weekend, and we absolutely have to have it done. The living room is stuffed full of boxes of stuff we're going to sell, it looks like Fred Sanford's house in here.

I was on call yesterday and I didn't know. I had a migraine and was asleep on the couch and my phone rang three times. We have shit for sale on Craigslist so I assumed that it was regarding that. Turned out that two of the calls were from 211. Shit. I called her back and got the skinny on the call, the second on call took it. I felt like shit, but honestly we have had so much going on I can't keep my head straight. For some reason they didn't call earlier in the week to remind me. Oh well, it's the first time I've ever done this and it's happened to me several times. That doesn't make it ok, but it happens.


***Ok I started this post a couple of hours ago and forgot to finish. This is all for now, I'm going to go suck on some Ambien.

Read more...

I'm prettier than you

I see you and all I can think is, "I've been in your house and you don't even know it." I've walked past you twice in my life and you have no idea who I am. I only know slightly more about you than you know about me. I enjoy my anonymity, and the guilt is not mine to bear. The clothes I see you wear I've seen hanging in your closet. Maybe I'll develop you into a story some day.

Read more...

Dreams

I have a lot of recurrent dreams. Airplanes, malls and hotels are the most common themes. Last night I had a dream I was texting with Morrissey. I sent him a text and he responded, then we had a little conversation. After that, I was on a plane with Mr. Aed and David was sitting in front of us. I was telling him about my texts with Morrissey. Then the plane took off...I don't remember where we were going. Sometimes in my flying dreams I know, sometimes I don't. A lot of the time I never even leave the airport (or whatever thing is symbolizing the airport, sometimes it's a port.) Often we are taking off over and over again. Usually there are other people I know there.

I also have a lot of dreams about shopping malls, and often there is a hotel attached to the mall. I spend a lot of time in the parking garages of these hotels, usually trying to get out. There is usually a big buffet full of weird, old food and the lobby of the hotel is dark with red carpeting. These are annoying dreams, I'm hoping that talking about them will let them move on. I don't mind the flying ones, as long as they keep being neutral. But the hotels and malls need to go away.

Today is 16 days until my last day of work and 22 days until we leave Asheville.

Read more...

Just because I don't match it doesn't make me a bad person

Very rarely will my socks match each other. I used to aim for the same or similar colors, but I have even completely given up on that at this point. The house is a mess and I can't be bothered to keep track of my socks. All they do is keep the dirt off my feet anyways. So today I am wearing one red sock and one black sock with my maryjanes. I thought it was quite a nice ensemble, since my t-shirt is red and my scrub pants are dark gray. One of my nurses noticed and complimented me on my socks. I find it quite funny and think that is probably the most endearing part of my personality. I am quirky and cute, damn it. I remember when I was like 13 I used to really like for my bra, underwear and socks to match. Yea. I haven't considered the color of anything I have worn in probably 10 years. That is either part of growing up and moving on with life or that is me being me and not who I think others want me to be. Whatever.

Need money and time. Money and time. I can't get a call back about my resume. I am used to people chomping at the bit to hire me when I send out my resume. I think they can tell by looking at it now that I am trouble. Trouble.

I have been talking to Dick Knows and I wish that we had talked more before she left for Japan. Even though she eats guinea pigs I think we have a lot in common. I hope she comes back to Seattle next year and we can all go hang out of something. She seems very cool and we know she's loaded. Heh. (Note to DK if you read this- that was a joke. Do you know what a joke is?) Talking to her led me to looking up my name in Katakana. Neither of my middle names have translations which I thought was odd. My last name is Sumisu, which is quite nice.

I need to call D and cancel my appointment this afternoon. I want to reschedule for next week. I just don't feel like talking today.

Read more...

privilege

Ask and you shall receive. Due to popular demand, I am here to tell you how my Saturday was.

I got pretty anxious before I had to go to Pride. I knew it was going to happen, but that's why I like to sign myself up for things I can't get out of. I force myself to do things that I am terrified of. It's like rehab. It was fine. I saw one person I know, talked to a few people about OurVOICE. It was nice. I saw lots of cute little families. Many of them were white with black babies, which led me to think the children were probably adopted. It reminded me of an episode of that show 30 Days that Mr. Aed and I watched a few weeks ago. It was a woman who was Mormon and adamantly against gay adoption. She went to stay with two men who had sons they had fostered then adopted, one of whom has special needs. They lived on a beautiful farm and seemed like a wonderful family. The woman never warmed to the possibility that children adopted by gay families are better off than they would be in foster care for the rest of their childhoods. Anyways, these children looked amazingly fucking happy out with their parents and I couldn't help but remember this woman who wants them to be anywhere except with these same sex couples who love them. I look forward to the day where I adopt a child. I honestly feel that if I have the opportunity to take a child into my life and provide him or her with a family they may not otherwise have, I would be more fortunate than having a biological child. Anyone can do that.
Reminder for your next post: mall and hotel dreams

Read more...

Drudgery

I'm so entirely bored today. I applied for another job with CareOregon and another job with OHSU. I've been trying to apply for one at the VA in Vancouver, WA but for some reason their website sucks and I get stuck on the same page each time. I guess I'll have to fax my application. Which means I guess I'd better get to work on it.

This job is so frustrating, I honestly would not be able to tolerate it much longer if I wasn't leaving. I really want something new, I would be happy to get out of pharmacy. Of course, nothing else will pay this well in the beginning. It would be nice if I could use the experience I have to get something related that would at least be stimulating. I need to do some looking into what kinds of jobs ADHD people really need. I was in a meeting yesterday and I forgot to take my Focalin that morning. It was absurd how hard that was for me. I must have seemed like a fucking jackass because I was interrupting (as politely as I could manage), not making sense when I tried to explain things, and forgetting everything that was said. I must have made them repeat the same shit over and over again a million times.

Tomorrow is PrideFest and I am working there for OurVOICE. Never actually been to a pride event before, I'm pretty excited.

Read more...

Dentata

I went to the dentist after work this afternoon; it was atrocious. I had a dentist with giant hands in my mouth for two hours giving me these awful fillings. I was listening to Oprah with headphones during and she was interviewing hoarders. I haven't seen Oprah in years and it reminded me how dumb that shit is.
When I was driving home there was a fat little sausage beagle walking down the road. She was all over the place and I tried to get her to talk to me but she hid. I suspect she was near home, but I was still worried.

Read more...

Fuck working

I gave my notice at work today- my last day will be Oct. 30th, so I gave them a very generous 25 days. It was so satisfying and amusing to do. I'm fucking exhausted, so unfortunately this is all you're going to get out of me tonight. I will make up for it with a satisfying image.

I made fettuccine alfredo for dinner and it was das goot. Night night, bitches.

Read more...

Of course everything was ok when we talked later. We both apologized and admitted that we overreacted and it was all stupid.

Did absolutely nothing today. Nothing. Basically slept all day except for the 5 hours where we got up, ate, took care of the dogs, I knitted a little... that was about it. Back to work tomorrow, no more calling in mustard for me. Stupid week at St. Joe's... I have got to find something to do while I sit there when there is no work to do. I fucking hate it.

Read more...

फुक्क फुक्क फुक्क

Well holy fuck. Mr. Aed woke me up in the middle of the night (barely, I think I had just fallen asleep maybe 30 minutes prior) telling me I was snoring. I was delirious so I said that I was not, I wasn't even asleep! (WTF?) He then reiterated that I was snoring, and I again said that I wasn't asleep. Then a few minutes later, I whispered that he was pushing me off the bed. He immediately got defensive (I see now that he was mad because I accused him of hearing things, but hellooo, I was ASLEEP. I have told him a million times that I can't be held liable for anything I say or do while I'm asleep. I'm like a different person.) He said he was on his side on the edge of the bed, he isn't pushing me off. I said your elbow is, and he got even snootier. I guess I was rolling off the bed because we have a velour blanket on for a bottom sheet and the fucking Fang was taking up all of my leg room. I was clearly confused, but he was clearly being mean.

So then a few minutes later he gets up all pissy and grabs the dvd out of the player (doesn't even shut the little door on it after) and his blanket. I asked him if he was mad at me and he starts yelling at me. He says he's sick of me snapping at him and not apologizing, and me accusing him of things. First of all, I did NOT snap at him. I whispered, 100% honest to god. I think he's nuts. He got overly upset about a misunderstanding. I completely expect him to continue to freak out. I guess I have to go out to the living room and try to get him to talk to me, because he's still out there and he will never come to me. I think in the nine years that he and I have been together he hasn't once come to me after an argument. I am always the one who smooths things over.

Read more...

Today

So today we really got to work and started sorting through about everything we own. We went through the bedroom closet, which was a damn mess. We also went through the hall closet, which didn't have a ton of mess, but it had a good amount of stuff. Once we took out the paper towels, toilet paper and the few things we're keeping, it was practically empty. We have a humongous area of our living room full of boxes that are all for the garage sale. I really hope we make a fuck ton of money, because the reimbursement I got from my FSA is dwindling. And we haven't even left yet... we think we're going to be doing some sleeping in the car and some showering at truck stops, heh.

Going through the bedroom closet was rather depressing. Seeing a bunch of size 2-16 clothes, none of which you can wear, can really have that effect on you. The smallest clothes looked like they belonged on a fucking kindergartner. The bigger clothes even looked really small. Then I had to go through a bunch of stuff from our wedding, and I had to sort through all of the cards we received because one of the cats had peed on the basket-box I kept them in. Only a couple were destroyed, most were fine. I also came across the paper I used to write my vows on. That was fully peed on, which is kind of ironic. So I am going to transcribe them here tomorrow because it has to be thrown away. It fucking stinks. Literally and figuratively.

So, tomorrow we are going through the attic, which isn't as bad as it sounds, and we're going to the storage unit to sort through it. Which may be bad.

Read more...

Ack

We haven't had satellite in over a week, which is fine, except that for any entertainment at all we have to watch DVDs. We have watched our entire Seinfeld collection, The Office, Sarah Silverman Show, and now we're starting Arrested Development. We've had our satellite turned off so many times in the past year or so we have seen these all recently. I'm still waiting for last night's Project Runway to appear on the internets and I've been downloading Supernatural all day. Stupid slow internet connection.

I am still bitter that google disabled my adsense account, but it looked ugly anyways. It took me 5 minutes to remember the word disabled, then I ended up cheating. The word finding ability that I had regained has leveled off. Ever since I've been calling in mustard to work I've been bad about taking my medications. I've missed 6 days of work in the last two weeks. Heh. Honestly, I've been feeling shitty, I just can't get motivated or get back to real life. I've been suspicious about my dad lately- he has said a few weird things about not living much longer and such. Then last night I found out that he has been sick and wouldn't tell me why. He told me they put him on warfarin and he wouldn't tell me what for. I called him and got him to tell me a little. I was really upset. He said the number one person he doesn't want to know about it is my mom because she would be all over his ass. This is true. The second person he doesn't want to know is my sister because she's knocked up. I guess that makes her delicate. So he said a few weeks ago they found a clot in his leg. The only person who knew was my shitty brother, who lives with him, and he had taken him to the hospital. I am a little hurt that for some reason he didn't think he should tell me. I was so upset last night and this morning, I don't even want to think about it. I should be dealing with it in a more constructive manner, but I'm not. He still says he wants to come up to see us before we move.

The dogs both have the worst breath you can imagine. I mean, it honest to god smells like rotten garbage ground up and baked into little patties.

Last night I had a dream about Anon and a dream that I was back in high school, only I was also 28 years old. Ugh. I was walking around my school and other people I knew were there. Part of my dream I was in my parent's house and CO and a girl were there. It was also current day, but obviously like it was simultaneously in the past.

Read more...